Heart fatigue.
Is that a thing?
Exhausted from feeling all the feelings.
Wishing for more support.
More love.
More understanding.
Less judgment.
My Writing. My World.
I felt you all week.
Your pain. Your anguish. Your heartbreak. Your loneliness. Your desperation. Your hopelessness. Your disconnection. Your love. Your need.
I felt it all.
Because my heart is your heart. I feel what you feel. And as I am here for you, I also know that I need to hold you from within the boundaries that my giant empath heart needs.
My heart has been questioning a lot lately.
Questioning what was real and what was just an illusion.
I’ve been divorced for almost two years and it makes me so sad that I question every single one of the 25 years of memories I shared with my ex-husband.
My heart is opening again.
I can feel it.
Even after a heavy-ish, wonky day.
One in which I was unsure and unsteady and unnerved.
But now…opening.
Even after these last few months.
Even after this last year.
And three years of darkness.
And a decade before that of processing and knowing and struggling and debating and denying and staying and slowly breaking through.
I got my heart broken a few weeks ago.
Like, really broken.
Ever since then, every time I get in my car and the car starts playing my music automatically, one of the songs that’s on our shared playlist comes on. Even if I’m deliberately trying to avoid our shared playlist. (Unless I want to get the feels out and then it’s super effective at triggering the waterworks.)
These days, I almost always have my music on random shuffle. I like playing musical roulette and letting the Universe tell me what it wants me to know through music. Except that game isn’t so much fun when our shared songs come on constantly, with little to no regard for my feelings if I’m in carpool or at the Starbucks drive-thru or when my kids are in the car with me.