relationships

Feeling Unsafe in the Midst of Our Struggles

Feeling Unsafe in the Midst of Our Struggles

I haven’t felt safe for a while now.

I’m not referring to my physical safety — I don’t fear for my personal safety in any way. I have a roof over my head, I feel perfectly safe in my home, in my small town, and going for a walk around the park in my neighborhood.

But unfortunately, my physical safety is where any safeness I feel ends.

I Look Forward to Finally Meeting You, Love

I Look Forward to Finally Meeting You, Love

Sunday mornings are for coffee and daydreams.
The kind that have me wondering about slow love.
Knowing glances over our steaming mugs,
Me baking scones for you, and you feeding me a bite of your bacon…

I wonder what you will look like,
Although that’s never mattered much to me.
I care so much more about what your soul feels like,
And how connected we are…beyond the day-to-day activities.

A Wistful Sunday, A Restless Soul

A Wistful Sunday, A Restless Soul

I awake feeling something I cannot name,
Something that feels unusual in my soul.
Until it comes to me softly,
And whispers its name to my heart…Wistful.

A long, quiet Sunday stretches out before me,
An empty day that is mine to create.
And while there is peace in my home,
There is none in my heart.

Turning Our Scar Tissue & Bruises Into Renewed Faith

Turning Our Scar Tissue & Bruises Into Renewed Faith

The scar tissue around my heart is thick and scaly,

Like a scab itching to be picked at.

But I know that if I keep scratching it,

Lifting up the corners,

Gently,

Warily,

To see if it’s healed yet,

I might cause it to start bleeding again.

The Magic of Musicals, Triggers, & Dreams That Don’t Look Like We Thought They Would

The Magic of Musicals, Triggers, & Dreams That Don’t Look Like We Thought They Would

Triggers are a funny thing.

They can affect you in a good way that leads to growth. And they can also affect you in a way that rips your heart out. And hopefully also leads to growth.

Tonight, my trigger was a musical.

You Made Me Believe­­­ — & Now I’m Scared I Can’t Do It Again

You Made Me Believe­­­ — & Now I’m Scared I Can’t Do It Again

You made me believe.

You made me believe. In a lifelong love that could not be broken. Would not be broken. No matter what.

You made me believe. In love lost and love revisited. That the one that got away sometimes comes back. And thought that I was the one that got away.

11 Things I Adore About Men

11 Things I Adore About Men

A few years ago, I wrote an article about the things I love about men. It was at the height of the #MeToo movement and as a collective, we were fired up. We women were all speaking our truths…as individuals and as a group of women who were raising our hands and saying, “Fuck…me too.”

Please Stay, Love — I’m Sorry I was Focused on My Heartbreak Instead of You

Please Stay, Love — I’m Sorry I was Focused on My Heartbreak Instead of You

Please stay.

I know I’ve been focused on my everyday heartbreak, but suddenly it doesn’t matter anymore.

You are all that matters.

You are all I want.

I want you in my life.

I need you in my life.

I couldn’t bear to lose you now.

Stop Letting Them Take Your Light, Love — & Step Into That Frickin’ Spotlight

Stop Letting Them Take Your Light, Love — & Step Into That Frickin’ Spotlight

I’m so sorry, sweet soul.

For so many things.

But mostly, I’m sorry you let him take your light.

And him.

And him.

I’m so sorry you let him make you feel less than.

The Collateral Damage of My Heart & A $150 Bottle of Whiskey

The Collateral Damage of My Heart & A $150 Bottle of Whiskey

My heart has been questioning a lot lately.

Questioning what was real and what was just an illusion.

I’ve been divorced for almost two years and it makes me so sad that I question every single one of the 25 years of memories I shared with my ex-husband.

Take My Hand, Love — Walk with Me for a While

Take My Hand, Love — Walk with Me for a While

My love, I am not for the faint of heart.

I am not easy.

I want you to know this before you ever decide to knock on my door and ask to be invited in.

I desire — no, I require — a partner who will challenge me as much as I challenge them. And what a delicious challenge it will be. But know this…it will be a challenge.

You Are the Nectar I Want to Sip, Slowly and Deliberately

You Are the Nectar I Want to Sip, Slowly and Deliberately

Across the café table from you, I watch you with a nervousness I’ve not felt before. I opened the door and finally invited you in and now…now, I feel like I’m standing before you, naked and vulnerable.

Our beginning was slow and deliberate. And worth the anticipation.

Because now, I watch your eyes drink me in and I look away as they start to see through the armor, over the walls, and into my soft insides. I’m not one to look away usually, but your eyes are piercing and I am left feeling unprotected and more than a little shaky.

Letting Go & Leveling Up: Opening Our Hearts After a Year of Heartbreak

Letting Go & Leveling Up: Opening Our Hearts After a Year of Heartbreak

My heart is opening again.

I can feel it.

Even after a heavy-ish, wonky day.

One in which I was unsure and unsteady and unnerved.

But now…opening.

Even after these last few months.

Even after this last year.

And three years of darkness.

And a decade before that of processing and knowing and struggling and debating and denying and staying and slowly breaking through.

Soft, Whispering Heart — Show Me the Way & Help Me Trust You Again

Soft, Whispering Heart — Show Me the Way & Help Me Trust You Again

My heart, skipping precious beats all day.

Tapping in, I hold her and try to decipher her code.

Is she feeling the delicious anticipation of something new?

The lingering sadness that comes with letting go of the old?

Something more dark than I am ready to face again? Still.

Words Have Power, Beautiful Stranger — & I’m Taking Mine Back

Words Have Power, Beautiful Stranger — & I’m Taking Mine Back

Words. Have. Power.

We used to talk about that often. How powerful words are.

About how I try not to assign them too much power, because I know they mean more to me than most people. And because some words land differently with me than they do other people.

You were so, so careful to not make any promises from the very beginning. You just wanted to walk this journey together, for as long as we were supposed to. Just focusing on the present moment.